Power Listening

I sometimes listen others without much attention I cover up my lack of listening with "hmm..", "yes.." "you're right" "of course" but to be heard, to communicate and to be supported is a need for others, and a powerful listening can provide these needs for others. It is not easy, I admit that. Firs issue is to listen attentively without distractions, even eating. Another one is to paraphrase whole concepts or major points in the conversation this will show that you understand the speaker and will provide information how you hear them. Also checking perceptions and needs are crucial, it is similar to paraphrasing but rather than concepts or points it is about feelings and needs, listening for not being said, for example; "It sounds as if you are feeling... because you are needing..." Maybe the most important and neglected part is waiting, giving time to process and have some space before answer, waiting ten seconds before replying is crucial. Waiting gives suspense time to eliminate judgment in our replies. Being empathetic and non-judgmental is the most important elements of listening in order to fulfill other person's needs. "The ground rule for you as a listener is this: it is not your job to point out to someone what you think he or she may be missing" (Kegan and Lehay,2001)